> >     I wanted to kill myself over Bitcoinica. It was a very bad moment...

> >     On 28/08/14 14:11, Jason King wrote:
> >     > For over a week now, I've been trying to write a year in review
> piece
> >     > for Satoshi Forest. The words, which usually just flow like a
> spigot
> >     > when I'm passionate about something, seem to just dribble out. And
> >     what
> >     > little eeks by is hardly print worthy. Maybe it's just writer's
> block?
> >     > Writer's block happens. Or maybe I'm not as passionate about
> Satoshi
> >     > Forest as I used to be?
> >     >
> >     > But, I am passionate about Satoshi Forest, perhaps more than I
> >     ever have
> >     > been. And writer's block, if it is the culprit, cannot explain why
> I
> >     > haven't responded to Elizabeth Ploshay's ALS Ice Bucket Challenge,
> >     in a
> >     > timely fashion. I guess I'll have to donate now. You see it's not
> just
> >     > the Satoshi Forest year in review, it's everything. Emails from
> >     friends
> >     > I haven't responded to, phone calls I let go to voicemail, new
> >     endeavors
> >     > at Sean's Outpost I let sit unannounced
> >     > (http://blockchain.satoshiforest.com/). And then it hits me. I've
> been
> >     > here before.

> >     >
> >     > I'm really depressed.

> >     >
> >     > And it seems to be going around.

> >     >
> >     > Since the tragic suicide of Robin Williams, four (4) people close
> >     to me
> >     > have also tried to kill themselves. One succeeded. An anecdotal
> survey
> >     > of my friends has seen an equal uptick in the number of people
> talking
> >     > about or attempting suicide. It's been really disturbing.

> >     >
> >     > In the preparations for the Bitcoin in the Beltway conference this
> >     past
> >     > June, I had one of the more surreal conversations of my life. An
> east
> >     > coast sales director for Marriott called me wanting to know if
> bitcoin
> >     > was linked to suicide. They had heard of the tragic death of Autumn
> >     > Radtke in March

> >     >
> >     (
> http://nypost.com/2014/03/06/bitcoin-firm-ceo-jumped-to-her-death-neighbor/
> )
> >     > and were concerned about hosting a conference for a technology
> >     that was
> >     > making people kill themselves. I was sure he was joking. He was
> >     not. The
> >     > conversation I had with him must have allayed his fears.
> >     #BitcoinBeltway
> >     > went great, can't wait to do it again next year.

> >     >
> >     > Obviously, bitcoin does not cause suicide. And while we are quick
> to
> >     > sticky a "suicide prevention hotline" when the price crashes,
> >     bitcoin is
> >     > not causing depression. What we may want to look into is something
> >     that
> >     > is not bitcoin related, but more something that comes part and
> parcel
> >     > with "bitcoiners".

> >     >
> >     > The woes of entrepreneurship and startup culture.

> >     >
> >     > Being an entrepreneur is fucking hard. Really hard. Most people
> don't
> >     > even attempt it.

> >     >
> >     > It might not feel that way to you, but likely that's because you
> >     > surround yourself with other entrepreneurs. Your friends work at
> >     > startups. Your trips are to startup conferences and conventions.
> Your
> >     > news feed is r/bitcoin and hacker news. You are firmly in the echo
> >     chamber.

> >     >
> >     > Most people will never try and build a product or company. So most
> >     > people will never experience what it is like to fear you won't make
> >     > payroll and someone else will not be able to pay their rent
> >     because of you.

> >     >
> >     > Most people will never know how difficult it is to raise money. To
> get
> >     > someone else to believe in you enough to open their checkbook and
> >     > support you financially. The hours you spend and the mental strain
> >     that
> >     > comes from hearing "No" again and again and again. And if you get a
> >     > "Yes" the pressure doesn't dissipate! It increases! Now it's your
> >     crazy
> >     > idea and someone elses money you're responsible for.

> >     >
> >     > Being an entrepreneur is really hard.

> >     >
> >     > And we are really hard on ourselves. We are afraid to show any
> >     weakness.
> >     > Because we've been taught being weak or vulnerable is to be
> >     shunned. If
> >     > someone asks you how your company is doing "We're killing. it."
> >     probably
> >     > comes off your lips before you've even processed the question.

> >     >
> >     > It is statistically impossible for everyone to always be "killing
> it".

> >     >
> >     > But ask at your next mixer or meetup and almost everyone will be
> >     > "killing it".

> >     >
> >     > And that pressure to succeed, to perform, to win is immense. And I
> >     think
> >     > that pressure may be even worse in bitcoin.

> >     >
> >     > Not to everyone, but to a lot of bitcoin early adopters, and
> >     especially
> >     > to a lot of early bitcoin entrepreneurs, bitcoin is a promise. A
> >     glimpse
> >     > of a better world free from the inequalities brought by our legacy
> >     > financial system. So if you fail in bitcoin, it is easy to feel
> >     that you
> >     > are failing on that promise too.

> >     >
> >     > I've felt that way. Felt that if I screw up I am screwing it up for
> >     > every non-profit and charity. That they will somehow not get the
> >     > benefits of bitcoin because I failed. I see it in others. Just a
> week
> >     > ago at #Cryptolina I talked with a group of brilliant
> >     entrepreneurs who
> >     > were convinced that if they didn't beat an incumbent payment
> >     solution to
> >     > market, they had lost the war. And that whole segment of the market
> >     > would NEVER benefit from cryptocurrency.

> >     >
> >     > Being a bitcoin entrepreneur is hard.

> >     >
> >     > And I don't have the answers to how to deal with all the pressure
> and
> >     > depression that come from doing what we do. But I have learned a
> >     couple
> >     > of things and maybe someone else that is experiencing depression or
> >     > having dark thoughts can read this and gain some value from what
> I've
> >     > learned. And even better, maybe someone that has dealt with
> depression
> >     > in the past can riff on what I've said and provide some insight
> >     into how
> >     > they cope.

> >     >
> >     > 1) You are not alone.

> >     >
> >     > When you are depressed, it seems like everyone else has it all
> >     together
> >     > and you are the anomaly. That's not true. They probably don't have
> >     their
> >     > shit together either. And everyone has problems we don't see.
> >     Everyone.

> >     >
> >     > Some of the greatest entrepreneurs and investors of all time have
> had
> >     > brutal fights with depression and suicidal thoughts.

> >     >
> >     > READ:

> >     >

> >     >

> http://www.inc.com/magazine/201309/jessica-bruder/psychological-price-of-entrepreneurship.html
> >     >
> >     > 2) Bitcoin needs you and it doesn't need you. And that's ok.

> >     >
> >     > Bitcoin needs you. It really does. But it doesn't need only you, it
> >     > needs all of us. You are not the single point of failure. Bitcoins
> >     > success is just a decentralized as the blockchain. So give
> yourself a
> >     > break. It's ok to make mistakes and it's ok to fail. It's even ok
> to
> >     > fail spectacularly.

> >     >
> >     > Think back to how many times bitcoin has been declared dead. How
> many
> >     > times has the price crashed? How many times has a major bitcoin
> >     > institution been corrupted/hacked/found to be a scam?

> >     >
> >     > And yet, here we are. An you are here too.

> >     >
> >     > 3) It is ok to ask for help.

> >     >
> >     > This is hard to learn. We come from a self sufficient culture. And
> if
> >     > you ask for help, people will realize that you are not as awesome
> as
> >     > they thought you were...BULLSHIT. Asking for help has ZERO bearing
> on
> >     > how awesome a person you are. In fact, your friends WANT TO HELP
> YOU.
> >     > Being there for you in a moment of crisis is something your
> >     friends are
> >     > probably really down for. But if you ignore them or won't tell
> >     them you
> >     > are having problems it is really difficult for them to help. Talk
> to
> >     > someone. If all else fails you can always call...

> >     >
> >     > THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

> >     >
> >     > I know all of this might not make a difference. When you are
> caught up
> >     > in your head in the middle of a depressive episode nothing seems to
> >     > help. Try to find something that you can concentrate on just to
> >     get you
> >     > thru the worst of it. For me, I go play with my kids. It helps me.
> >     > Sometimes more than others.

> >     >
> >     > If you are feeling down, try to talk to someone. And if you see
> >     someone
> >     > feeling down, try to lend a supportive ear.

> >     >
> >     > Bitcoin needs you alive.

> >     >

> >     >

> >     >
> >     > _______________________________________________
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> >     > https://mailinglists.dyne.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/unsystem

> >     >