>     I wanted to kill myself over Bitcoinica. It was a very bad moment...

>     On 28/08/14 14:11, Jason King wrote:
>     > For over a week now, I’ve been trying to write a year in review piece
>     > for Satoshi Forest. The words, which usually just flow like a spigot
>     > when I’m passionate about something, seem to just dribble out. And
>     what
>     > little eeks by is hardly print worthy. Maybe it’s just writer’s block?
>     > Writer’s block happens. Or maybe I’m not as passionate about Satoshi
>     > Forest as I used to be?
>     >
>     > But, I am passionate about Satoshi Forest, perhaps more than I
>     ever have
>     > been. And writer’s block, if it is the culprit, cannot explain why I
>     > haven’t responded to Elizabeth Ploshay’s ALS Ice Bucket Challenge,
>     in a
>     > timely fashion. I guess I’ll have to donate now. You see it’s not just
>     > the Satoshi Forest year in review, it’s everything. Emails from
>     friends
>     > I haven’t responded to, phone calls I let go to voicemail, new
>     endeavors
>     > at Sean’s Outpost I let sit unannounced
>     > (http://blockchain.satoshiforest.com/). And then it hits me. I’ve been
>     > here before.

>     >
>     > I’m really depressed.

>     >
>     > And it seems to be going around.

>     >
>     > Since the tragic suicide of Robin Williams, four (4) people close
>     to me
>     > have also tried to kill themselves. One succeeded. An anecdotal survey
>     > of my friends has seen an equal uptick in the number of people talking
>     > about or attempting suicide. It’s been really disturbing.

>     >
>     > In the preparations for the Bitcoin in the Beltway conference this
>     past
>     > June, I had one of the more surreal conversations of my life. An east
>     > coast sales director for Marriott called me wanting to know if bitcoin
>     > was linked to suicide. They had heard of the tragic death of Autumn
>     > Radtke in March

>     >
>     (http://nypost.com/2014/03/06/bitcoin-firm-ceo-jumped-to-her-death-neighbor/)
>     > and were concerned about hosting a conference for a technology
>     that was
>     > making people kill themselves. I was sure he was joking. He was
>     not. The
>     > conversation I had with him must have allayed his fears.
>     #BitcoinBeltway
>     > went great, can’t wait to do it again next year.

>     >
>     > Obviously, bitcoin does not cause suicide. And while we are quick to
>     > sticky a “suicide prevention hotline” when the price crashes,
>     bitcoin is
>     > not causing depression. What we may want to look into is something
>     that
>     > is not bitcoin related, but more something that comes part and parcel
>     > with “bitcoiners”.

>     >
>     > The woes of entrepreneurship and startup culture.

>     >
>     > Being an entrepreneur is fucking hard. Really hard. Most people don’t
>     > even attempt it.

>     >
>     > It might not feel that way to you, but likely that’s because you
>     > surround yourself with other entrepreneurs. Your friends work at
>     > startups. Your trips are to startup conferences and conventions. Your
>     > news feed is r/bitcoin and hacker news. You are firmly in the echo
>     chamber.

>     >
>     > Most people will never try and build a product or company. So most
>     > people will never experience what it is like to fear you won’t make
>     > payroll and someone else will not be able to pay their rent
>     because of you.

>     >
>     > Most people will never know how difficult it is to raise money. To get
>     > someone else to believe in you enough to open their checkbook and
>     > support you financially. The hours you spend and the mental strain
>     that
>     > comes from hearing “No” again and again and again. And if you get a
>     > “Yes” the pressure doesn’t dissipate! It increases! Now it’s your
>     crazy
>     > idea and someone elses money you’re responsible for.

>     >
>     > Being an entrepreneur is really hard.

>     >
>     > And we are really hard on ourselves. We are afraid to show any
>     weakness.
>     > Because we’ve been taught being weak or vulnerable is to be
>     shunned. If
>     > someone asks you how your company is doing “We’re killing. it.”
>     probably
>     > comes off your lips before you’ve even processed the question.

>     >
>     > It is statistically impossible for everyone to always be “killing it”.

>     >
>     > But ask at your next mixer or meetup and almost everyone will be
>     > “killing it”.

>     >
>     > And that pressure to succeed, to perform, to win is immense. And I
>     think
>     > that pressure may be even worse in bitcoin.

>     >
>     > Not to everyone, but to a lot of bitcoin early adopters, and
>     especially
>     > to a lot of early bitcoin entrepreneurs, bitcoin is a promise. A
>     glimpse
>     > of a better world free from the inequalities brought by our legacy
>     > financial system. So if you fail in bitcoin, it is easy to feel
>     that you
>     > are failing on that promise too.

>     >
>     > I’ve felt that way. Felt that if I screw up I am screwing it up for
>     > every non-profit and charity. That they will somehow not get the
>     > benefits of bitcoin because I failed. I see it in others. Just a week
>     > ago at #Cryptolina I talked with a group of brilliant
>     entrepreneurs who
>     > were convinced that if they didn’t beat an incumbent payment
>     solution to
>     > market, they had lost the war. And that whole segment of the market
>     > would NEVER benefit from cryptocurrency.

>     >
>     > Being a bitcoin entrepreneur is hard.

>     >
>     > And I don’t have the answers to how to deal with all the pressure and
>     > depression that come from doing what we do. But I have learned a
>     couple
>     > of things and maybe someone else that is experiencing depression or
>     > having dark thoughts can read this and gain some value from what I’ve
>     > learned. And even better, maybe someone that has dealt with depression
>     > in the past can riff on what I’ve said and provide some insight
>     into how
>     > they cope.

>     >
>     > 1) You are not alone.

>     >
>     > When you are depressed, it seems like everyone else has it all
>     together
>     > and you are the anomaly. That’s not true. They probably don’t have
>     their
>     > shit together either. And everyone has problems we don’t see.
>     Everyone.

>     >
>     > Some of the greatest entrepreneurs and investors of all time have had
>     > brutal fights with depression and suicidal thoughts.

>     >
>     > READ:

>     >

>     >
>     http://www.inc.com/magazine/201309/jessica-bruder/psychological-price-of-entrepreneurship.html

>     >
>     > 2) Bitcoin needs you and it doesn’t need you. And that’s ok.

>     >
>     > Bitcoin needs you. It really does. But it doesn’t need only you, it
>     > needs all of us. You are not the single point of failure. Bitcoins
>     > success is just a decentralized as the blockchain. So give yourself a
>     > break. It’s ok to make mistakes and it’s ok to fail. It’s even ok to
>     > fail spectacularly.

>     >
>     > Think back to how many times bitcoin has been declared dead. How many
>     > times has the price crashed? How many times has a major bitcoin
>     > institution been corrupted/hacked/found to be a scam?

>     >
>     > And yet, here we are. An you are here too.

>     >
>     > 3) It is ok to ask for help.

>     >
>     > This is hard to learn. We come from a self sufficient culture. And if
>     > you ask for help, people will realize that you are not as awesome as
>     > they thought you were...BULLSHIT. Asking for help has ZERO bearing on
>     > how awesome a person you are. In fact, your friends WANT TO HELP YOU.
>     > Being there for you in a moment of crisis is something your
>     friends are
>     > probably really down for. But if you ignore them or won’t tell
>     them you
>     > are having problems it is really difficult for them to help. Talk to
>     > someone. If all else fails you can always call…

>     >
>     > THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

>     >
>     > I know all of this might not make a difference. When you are caught up
>     > in your head in the middle of a depressive episode nothing seems to
>     > help. Try to find something that you can concentrate on just to
>     get you
>     > thru the worst of it. For me, I go play with my kids. It helps me.
>     > Sometimes more than others.

>     >
>     > If you are feeling down, try to talk to someone. And if you see
>     someone
>     > feeling down, try to lend a supportive ear.

>     >
>     > Bitcoin needs you alive.

>     >

>     >

>     >
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>     >