I've been battling depression the past few months, hardcore. When they put
me in solitary I thought my life was over.

I have all of you my friends to thank for keeping my spirits up and Bitcoin
for giving me a propose. I think back on the good times, eating with Amir
and Julia on my porch and partying with Jason in Atlanta.

Let the good times roll :)

On Thursday, August 28, 2014, Amir Taaki <genjix@???> wrote:

> I wanted to kill myself over Bitcoinica. It was a very bad moment...
>
> On 28/08/14 14:11, Jason King wrote:
> > For over a week now, I've been trying to write a year in review piece
> > for Satoshi Forest. The words, which usually just flow like a spigot
> > when I'm passionate about something, seem to just dribble out. And what
> > little eeks by is hardly print worthy. Maybe it's just writer's block?
> > Writer's block happens. Or maybe I'm not as passionate about Satoshi
> > Forest as I used to be?
> >
> > But, I am passionate about Satoshi Forest, perhaps more than I ever have
> > been. And writer's block, if it is the culprit, cannot explain why I
> > haven't responded to Elizabeth Ploshay's ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, in a
> > timely fashion. I guess I'll have to donate now. You see it's not just
> > the Satoshi Forest year in review, it's everything. Emails from friends
> > I haven't responded to, phone calls I let go to voicemail, new endeavors
> > at Sean's Outpost I let sit unannounced
> > (http://blockchain.satoshiforest.com/). And then it hits me. I've been
> > here before.
> >
> > I'm really depressed.
> >
> > And it seems to be going around.
> >
> > Since the tragic suicide of Robin Williams, four (4) people close to me
> > have also tried to kill themselves. One succeeded. An anecdotal survey
> > of my friends has seen an equal uptick in the number of people talking
> > about or attempting suicide. It's been really disturbing.
> >
> > In the preparations for the Bitcoin in the Beltway conference this past
> > June, I had one of the more surreal conversations of my life. An east
> > coast sales director for Marriott called me wanting to know if bitcoin
> > was linked to suicide. They had heard of the tragic death of Autumn
> > Radtke in March
> > (
> http://nypost.com/2014/03/06/bitcoin-firm-ceo-jumped-to-her-death-neighbor/
> )
> > and were concerned about hosting a conference for a technology that was
> > making people kill themselves. I was sure he was joking. He was not. The
> > conversation I had with him must have allayed his fears. #BitcoinBeltway
> > went great, can't wait to do it again next year.
> >
> > Obviously, bitcoin does not cause suicide. And while we are quick to
> > sticky a "suicide prevention hotline" when the price crashes, bitcoin is
> > not causing depression. What we may want to look into is something that
> > is not bitcoin related, but more something that comes part and parcel
> > with "bitcoiners".
> >
> > The woes of entrepreneurship and startup culture.
> >
> > Being an entrepreneur is fucking hard. Really hard. Most people don't
> > even attempt it.
> >
> > It might not feel that way to you, but likely that's because you
> > surround yourself with other entrepreneurs. Your friends work at
> > startups. Your trips are to startup conferences and conventions. Your
> > news feed is r/bitcoin and hacker news. You are firmly in the echo
> chamber.
> >
> > Most people will never try and build a product or company. So most
> > people will never experience what it is like to fear you won't make
> > payroll and someone else will not be able to pay their rent because of
> you.
> >
> > Most people will never know how difficult it is to raise money. To get
> > someone else to believe in you enough to open their checkbook and
> > support you financially. The hours you spend and the mental strain that
> > comes from hearing "No" again and again and again. And if you get a
> > "Yes" the pressure doesn't dissipate! It increases! Now it's your crazy
> > idea and someone elses money you're responsible for.
> >
> > Being an entrepreneur is really hard.
> >
> > And we are really hard on ourselves. We are afraid to show any weakness.
> > Because we've been taught being weak or vulnerable is to be shunned. If
> > someone asks you how your company is doing "We're killing. it." probably
> > comes off your lips before you've even processed the question.
> >
> > It is statistically impossible for everyone to always be "killing it".
> >
> > But ask at your next mixer or meetup and almost everyone will be
> > "killing it".
> >
> > And that pressure to succeed, to perform, to win is immense. And I think
> > that pressure may be even worse in bitcoin.
> >
> > Not to everyone, but to a lot of bitcoin early adopters, and especially
> > to a lot of early bitcoin entrepreneurs, bitcoin is a promise. A glimpse
> > of a better world free from the inequalities brought by our legacy
> > financial system. So if you fail in bitcoin, it is easy to feel that you
> > are failing on that promise too.
> >
> > I've felt that way. Felt that if I screw up I am screwing it up for
> > every non-profit and charity. That they will somehow not get the
> > benefits of bitcoin because I failed. I see it in others. Just a week
> > ago at #Cryptolina I talked with a group of brilliant entrepreneurs who
> > were convinced that if they didn't beat an incumbent payment solution to
> > market, they had lost the war. And that whole segment of the market
> > would NEVER benefit from cryptocurrency.
> >
> > Being a bitcoin entrepreneur is hard.
> >
> > And I don't have the answers to how to deal with all the pressure and
> > depression that come from doing what we do. But I have learned a couple
> > of things and maybe someone else that is experiencing depression or
> > having dark thoughts can read this and gain some value from what I've
> > learned. And even better, maybe someone that has dealt with depression
> > in the past can riff on what I've said and provide some insight into how
> > they cope.
> >
> > 1) You are not alone.
> >
> > When you are depressed, it seems like everyone else has it all together
> > and you are the anomaly. That's not true. They probably don't have their
> > shit together either. And everyone has problems we don't see. Everyone.
> >
> > Some of the greatest entrepreneurs and investors of all time have had
> > brutal fights with depression and suicidal thoughts.
> >
> > READ:
> >
> >
> http://www.inc.com/magazine/201309/jessica-bruder/psychological-price-of-entrepreneurship.html
> >
> > 2) Bitcoin needs you and it doesn't need you. And that's ok.
> >
> > Bitcoin needs you. It really does. But it doesn't need only you, it
> > needs all of us. You are not the single point of failure. Bitcoins
> > success is just a decentralized as the blockchain. So give yourself a
> > break. It's ok to make mistakes and it's ok to fail. It's even ok to
> > fail spectacularly.
> >
> > Think back to how many times bitcoin has been declared dead. How many
> > times has the price crashed? How many times has a major bitcoin
> > institution been corrupted/hacked/found to be a scam?
> >
> > And yet, here we are. An you are here too.
> >
> > 3) It is ok to ask for help.
> >
> > This is hard to learn. We come from a self sufficient culture. And if
> > you ask for help, people will realize that you are not as awesome as
> > they thought you were...BULLSHIT. Asking for help has ZERO bearing on
> > how awesome a person you are. In fact, your friends WANT TO HELP YOU.
> > Being there for you in a moment of crisis is something your friends are
> > probably really down for. But if you ignore them or won't tell them you
> > are having problems it is really difficult for them to help. Talk to
> > someone. If all else fails you can always call...
> >
> > THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
> >
> > I know all of this might not make a difference. When you are caught up
> > in your head in the middle of a depressive episode nothing seems to
> > help. Try to find something that you can concentrate on just to get you
> > thru the worst of it. For me, I go play with my kids. It helps me.
> > Sometimes more than others.
> >
> > If you are feeling down, try to talk to someone. And if you see someone
> > feeling down, try to lend a supportive ear.
> >
> > Bitcoin needs you alive.
> >
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > unSYSTEM mailing list: http://unsystem.net
> > https://mailinglists.dyne.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/unsystem
> >
>
>

--
Thanks,

Charlie

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